Lack of Clarity Leads to Pointless Conflict

by Don Harkey

Have you ever sat in a meeting, or with a group of friends, and listened to an argument over nothing? It's like an episode of Seinfeld without the laugh track. I've even heard heated arguments by two people debating the most important factor in a decision, even though both parties agree on the decision itself. Think of the old beer commercials... "I drink it because it's less filling." "I drink it because it tastes great."

Another strange phenomenon that happens within teams and especially large groups is the silent majority. I've seen this happen in organizational meetings. The room will have 100 people waiting to vote on an issue. Two people will argue against the issue and two people will argue for the issue. The few people talking will go back and forth over and over again and get quite passionate. Then the vote will occur and it will be a landslide. The people who argued for an hour for the winning side ask those around them who were silent, "why didn't you speak up?"

These are all situations we can relate to. They are uncomfortable moments that make us tense up and start to watch the clock. These are not a healthy exchange of ideas. What causes this?

The bottom line is that these types of arguments are caused by a lack of clarity. Think about our beer example. If the group is trying to decide whether to drink the beer or not, is it really important which reason is most important? What is your group trying to accomplish? What is the purpose for the meeting?

In large group settings, especially in non-profit groups, people will speak for a variety of reasons. They may have a personal issue with someone else in the room. They may disagree with a specific point that was brought up. They may like to hear themselves talk. The leader (or moderator) of the discussion must keep the group focused on the task at hand.

A common mistake of teams that muddies the water is the desire to create a consensus on everything discussed in the meeting. If the decision is Path "A" or Path "B", the goal of the group is to bring out all of the relevant information and make a judgment call on which path to take. The discussion should pass through a continuous filter of "is this important?" and "is this fact or opinion?". If a person disagrees with taking Path "A" for judgment reasons, but the group is definitely leaning toward Path "B", it is better to simply agree to disagree.

When in a meeting or a discussion, remember the purpose of the discussion. Make sure to bring out all of the information so that the team members all have the same information. Discuss the logic different people have in making their decision, and then make the decision. It is not about winning or losing an argument. It is not about building consensus. It's about clarity, which is really the role of leadership.

As a leader, go over an issue before a meeting or discussion repeatedly until the issue is as clear as possible in your head. Organize your thoughts and determine what the key decision factors will be and guide the team into focusing on those factors. Maintaining clarity in team events will make these events more productive and much less painful!